


World Of Grey

by TheRedLotusFlower88



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Akira, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 02:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13988190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedLotusFlower88/pseuds/TheRedLotusFlower88
Summary: The world just seems so dull now that you're gone.





	World Of Grey

_March 28, 2018_

It's been two years.

Two years since he'd last seen him. Since he'd last seen his blond haired lover, the boy whom he'd met at Shujin Academy, has been his friend since he'd gotten there, and eventually became his crush. He had spent months pining after him, always put off by how the blond always seemed to like the opposite sex more, and never really shown interest in the same sex. Back then, he'd thought it was hopelessly futile, and he had tried to avoid making the situation between them awkward, before they ended up getting caught in their friends' scheme and had them hooking up with each other. After the third time, his friend had confessed, with a red face, that he had a crush on him too, and Akira had been so happy. Ryuji had always made him happy.

With a sigh, the black haired man sat up from his bed, listening to the quiet rain pelting against his window.

He had been so happy, back then, so why?

Why did he have to screw it up?

Akira closed his eyes and started to image the man right in front of him, how he still kept his hair dyed even when they turned 20, brown eyes sparkling at him with happiness and laughter, that pretty pink blush on his face when he was embarrassed, and he felt his hands clench.

Those were days where Akira kept his word; when he was actually the person whom everyone loved and always looked up to, including Ryuji. When they became adults, and their group went their separate ways, things started to change. Akira and Ryuji had moved in together once Akira had been freed from his parent's grip, and they had enough money to own a place of their own. The two friends-turned-lovers worked hard, keeping each other's moral up, loving each other and being there, and thinking about on it, Akira thinks _yeah, this is the life I want._

Too bad it's a life that didn't happen.

Akira started to leave the bed, big enough for two, lonely for one, and began to stand. The room was so silent without Ryuji's soft snores, without the presence of the other, and Akira's heart clench when he realized he had this big empty house now to himself.

This wasn't how it was suppose to go.

The near 30 year old was moving before he could think about it, opening the door, and began to head downstairs. As he moved, he began to memorize the days of when it was him and his lover.

Some days were a lot easier than others; some days Akira didn't feel like dealing with Ryuji's childish attitude, and other times Ryuji didn't want to hear Akira's sassy remarks. Still, whenever one of them were in a bad mood, they would always try to make them feel better by doing things they like, complimenting them when they need it, and just sit down and relax, enjoying the other's company. They would make small talk, and eventually, those would lead to cuddles and then those would turn into taking a nap. A chill went up Akira's spine, the man rubbed his left arm.

If there's anything he missed the most, it would be the constant touching. He had never pegged the blond to be the touchy type the first time he'd seen him, but after they got together, Ryuji was always on him; an arm over his shoulder, hand holding, fist bumping, and, if he was brave enough or they were alone, he would wrap his arms around Akira's waist and snuggle the black haired boy's chest. It was something Akira had always teased him for, if for nothing else, just to see Ryuji get rile up with embarrassment clearly written on his face. A quirk of his lips before that memory was fogged by the thought -

_He's not here anymore._

Akira's feet had lead him to the kitchen, and he already knew what he wanted before he could stop and wonder. With little to no guidance, Akira found himself standing in front of his frig, opening the door, and began pulling out a bottle of wine, and then shutting it close. Placing the bottle down on the counter, Akira could only stare at it with dull, black eyes, before said eyes started to water, and soft sniffles echoed the room.

The worst part about it is that Akira had no one to blame, but himself. They would never had a fallen out if he just...if he....

The memory of those hurt, tearful brown eyes, the pained look of betrayal, and how Ryuji had ran out of their home, not looking back...

Akira felt himself bending at the back to keep himself from sobbing, even when his throat burned and cold tears fell down his face.

There had been nothing that influenced Akira for doing what he did; he had been perfectly content with the life he had with Ryuji, but that had been the problem, hadn't it? He simply been content. Not craving for anything else, not changing anything else, just...really, really happy.

It had gotten boring too fast.

He ended up getting another job at the Police Department.

He had met someone who caught his fancy.

And the next thing he knew, he no longer thought of blond hairs and brown eyes, but brown hairs and red eyes. 

Akechi had been so smart, so pretty. Akira had liked his smiles, liked his dorky personality, liked how intelligent he was, and the black haired man had been so transfixed....

He had failed to notice the cancelled plans, failed to notice how late he gets home, failed to see Ryuji getting upset, the disappointed looks, and more probably the most heartbreaking, he failed to notice Ryuji's tears. And any time Ryuji tries to bring it up, getting angry at him, Akira tries his best to make up to him. Sometimes it works, but even so, Akira could tell that they weren't the same anymore. When Ryuji had been out to visit his mother, that had been the final straw.

He had no idea what possessed him to take Akechi out to dinner, had him come to his house, and eventually they ended up in bed together. In the moment, he hadn't been thinking - all he knew was that Akechi felt good, taste good, and he wanted more from him. He had wanted Akechi - a burning desire he hadn't felt since he and Ryuji had gotten together. Of course, as soon as they finished, Ryuji had came in and...he just _looked._ There had been several emotions going across his face - anger, sadness, hurt, disbelief - but the blond had just stared, and Akira had never felt so terrified in his life.

Ryuji had open his mouth several times before he shook his head, eyes tearing up, before he turned on his heels and left without a word. Akira went after him, feeling something in his heart break, but he knew....

He had lost Ryuji.

And since then, neither of the two had spoken a word. He and Akechi also never spoken a word after, the air between the two now uncomfortable, and was just now content with working together.

Akira's shoulders started to shake.

Since Ryuji had left, Akira had struggled with coping with it. He had locked himself inside of the house a couple of times before Ann had to personally come down and kick his ass into gear, forcing him to work even when he didn't want to. He had tried smoking, but after Sojiro caught him and gave him a lecture of a lifetime, he didn't try anymore. Plus, they tasted weird and Akira didn't like that. Eventually, Akira _did_ find a coping habit that none of his friends were happy with.

Sex.

But not just anyone would do; Akira would purposely tried to find a blond with brown eyes, seduce them, sleep with them, before kicking them out of his house. It had went on for some time now, as much as it could, given the fact that blond hair stands out in Japan, and up until now, Akira couldn't bring himself to care to stop.

None of the blonds he had slept with compared to _his_ blond - his cute noises, how easily embarrassed he gets, how tight he felt, and how often he allows Akira to mark him. Akira refuses to place hickeys on a one night stand.

And then there was the drinking.

That had started a month ago, and Akira really didn't want to, not when it brings up the time Ryuji had open up to him about his dad, but...it kind of helped. It had taken away the memory of Akira's mistakes, only allowing him to remember the good memories, and for a while, Akira would just sit there and call out for someone who was no longer in his life. He likes to think Ryuji would answer back, his mind made it so the memory of Ryuji did. Caused him to jerk off too, if it was those type of memories.

Looking back at the bottle, Akira began unscrewing the cap before moving around to find a glass cup. Once he did, he poured himself a glass of wine. He smiled bitterly.

"Ryuji," He whispered into the darkness, lifting the cup up to his lips. "I still love you."

And he took a sip.     

**Author's Note:**

> Just listening to The Death of a Bachelor, and I caught feels ;-; was debating on making it a P5/TG crossover, but thought 'nahhh, let's not for now'. This just means I'll probably reference this fic somewhere in my Hide&Ryuji series LOL.


End file.
